I’ve noticed something of late.

A lot of discussion about behavior in social justice circles has circled on what’s “decent.” As in, respecting people’s identity or acknowledging their struggles is the bare minimum requirement to be a decent human being.

And I’ve noticed a lot of pushback from folks on this.

“You’re saying I’m a monster just because I don’t want to use your pronouns!” seems to be the general cry.

Well, no.

Decency isn’t a pass/fail. It’s not something you have or you don’t.

You might, in fact, be a perfectly decent person — when dealing with animals. Or one marginalized group, but not another. Or only with privileged folks.

The fact that you’re unwilling to attempt to treat other human beings as if they have a right to exist doesn’t erase ALL of your decency. It just means that those of us who are being erased, marginalized, hurt by your words are not going to see the other sides of you that may be decent. Or particularly care that they exist.

This goes double for when you’re posting on the internet. I can’t see your time volunteering at the local ASPCA or donating to Battered Women’s Support Services; I can see only you whining about how using pronouns is so difficult; I can see only you setting yourself up as the expert on overculture in a particular country; I can see only you moving goalposts in the discussion and erecting so many straw men you could start several festivals in the desert.

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